When I sit down to write, something gets in the way.

I kinda miss the days when I could not sleep regularly.  Waking up after only a couple winks was frustrating for sure, but it certainly allowed me the opportunity to let out some jolts of creativity.  I would always have an idea pop into my head and jump around until my moments of slumber were erased.  Those ideas had to be documented, better yet captured somewhere.  Most times, I would  scribble down my thoughts in a 6″ x 4″ memo book.  I loved those little 50 page books, I would carry one around or leave one bedside for those moments of  creative eruptions.

I am sure I have 10 or more of those books, all filled with something.  I have never been a fan of writing “Dear Diary…” thoughts, but I truly enjoyed writing free verse, random thoughts.  I claimed to never share my true thoughts, but those verses told many personal stories.  You really didn’t have to know me to “know” me, just read between the lines.   Many pages were filled with jokes and funny rhymes, but as I read those pages again I realize many were a cry for help.  Depression, tension, aggression, frustration and every other “ion” were documented.

I tried medication to help with my “ions”.  Maybe that sorta worked or could have worked, but I never wanted to admit the need.  Selfish, stubborn, and other “S” words describe my approach towards my “ions”.  All of those issues caused lack of sleep.  My brain was working and I was writing.  Such a mix of good and bad.  Good news; I was releasing creative thoughts. Bad news; there’s no sleep.

Something changed in the past two years.  I credit the theater for helping me release “ions”.  I have always had a love for theater since elementary school.  The first role that I recall was Crispus Attucks in a 6th grade production of a tribute to black history.  I went to school in New Jersey and certainly was not the only black kid available for the role.  In fact, I am not sure that I am black, but I do know that I was one hell of an actor.  After that I performed in high school and a few other shows in between then and now.  There was a considerable break from the stage during the grunge era, well unless you consider karaoke performing.

The past couple years have been full of opportunity to get back into the theater.  Whether on stage, behind stage, or off stage, I have been near a stage.  Musicals, dramas, and comedy has given me life with a reduced amount of “ions”.  I could go on and on about improv comedy, but that would be too self indulgent. Although Improv Battle Royale with Cheese has been such a reward.

I enjoy sharing my creative moments on stage, but I really want to write again.  Can I have both?

Memo Books available by request.