Great Novels to read in 2008

I enjoy reading Esquire and Rolling Stone.  I really like the pictures too.  Magazines are great bathroom reads, but I need to open a book or two.

2008 has got to be the year that I pick up the novels that some consider literary greats.  Some of these novels I am ashamed to admit that I have never read and some I just did not appreciate reading the first time (probably in high school).

It may be too ambitious to read 12 during the year especially since I still have that subscription to Esquire and Rolling Stone.  Reading ten great novels is realistic and a great resolution for the new year.  

 As I get back to my love of reading, I will try to stay away from the big box book stores and will support local used book stores or the public library to get my stash.  I love the smell of used books and I enjoy the stories behind used book stores.

Here is my list (in no particular order):

• Catcher in the Rye-JD Salinger
• On the Road-Jack Kerouac
• Lolita-Vladimir Nabokov
• Animal Farm-George Orwell
• In Cold Blood-Truman Capote
• A Confederacy of Dunces-Jack Kennedy Toole
• The Bell Jar-Slyvia Plath
• Catch 22- Joseph Heller
• Invisible Man-Ralph Ellison
• The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy-Douglas Adams
• Into the Wild-John Krakauer
• The Brothers Karamazov-Feodor Dostoevsky
• Hop on Pop-Dr Suess

 As I build my literary resume and add these novels to my library, I will be sure to offer my thoughts and comments.  Its going to be an exciting journey; one word at a time.  I feel the need, the need for read!

3 Shopping Days

Only three shopping days left until Christmas. The retailers are ready to take your money. I ventured out to Target today to pick up some last minute gifts and noticed a few strange things.

Al Gore is right! Global warming is real, its not a hoax. The earth is growing warmer, the ice caps are melting, we are all going to hell. While strolling around Target making my selection of a sensibly priced yet seasonably appropriate gift, I noticed not one but two people wearing the attire that would typically be worn in June or July. Why would someone wear shorts on December 22? It must be global warming that is causing this 45 degree day which is prompting these folks to wear shorts. Maybe the dude has Diabetes and doesn’t know it, maybe he has hot flashes, maybe his fatness warms his bones. I don’t really know, but it is strange to see shorts in December.

I noticed a few people who looked like they have not been outdoors in months. One dude must have been a gamer that is more successful in Second Life than he is in this life, and totally looked out of place in Target. I’m sure his moniker of NEo69 provides social skills in the gaming world, but to see him ask for help without coverage from his Avatar was worth the extra wait in line.

Parking lots totally suck. I wonder if the lot was once a paradise that was paved in favor of parking. This time of the year, I tend to park in the back of the lot to save the hassle of playing automobile chess to find a spot. Its as if my Saturn is a Pawn moving one space at a time, while everyone else wants to be the Knight moving up one and over two just to get a better spot. I like to park in the back and walk to the entrance, not just for the exercise but because I know that I will spend more timing driving around the blacktop chess board than actually getting out and walking.

Related to parking, I like to scope the Expectant Mom spaces to see how many truly expectant moms get the chance to use the space. Maybe this is insensitive, but today I couldn’t tell if the lady was expecting another child or not. Its not that she was overweight, but she was actually a Hispanic dude wearing a cowboy hat and boots. To his defense, the sign was only in English. Snatching the second spot in the lot is evidently a privilege or a reward for getting pregnant. Now that explains all of these teen age pregnancies. The kids today are too lazy to walk into Target. Its easy to put your legs in the air to get preggers than it is to put your feet on the ground and walk to the store entrance.

I also like to scope the Expectant Mom spaces to check out those unwed mothers. We already know they put out, but thats another story…

Shop til you hear “check mate”

Don’t See

Blurry vision, blurry sights

Foggy days, foggy nights

Dark all eve, dark all day

Dreary either way

Can’t see even when I try

Somethings always in my eye

See two of you, when you’re only one

See three when there’s really none

I can’t see but I’m not blind

It must be in my mind

I see what I want to

I see nothing unless it’s you

Can’t see

Don’t see

Won’t see

Tunnel vision

You’re in my tunnel

Can’t see

Don’t see

Won’t see

Believe me

Things I want to do…

I think everyone has a list of things they want to do before a certain period (before I turn 30, before I get married, before I have kids, before I turn 40, before I die…).  Most people share these items with friends and family for support and encouragement.  Everyone wants to hear “Go get ‘em tiger.  You can do it!”.  “It” of course being whatever  is one of those things that they want to do before that certain milestone reaches.  I am sure there is a housewife finishing a marathon today that got the encouragement needed to run all those damn miles.  I am also sure that there is some pimply virgin in vegas right now patting himself on the back for getting the nerve to hire a legal prostitute to bust his cherry before he turned 25, just because it was on his list.   Goals and aspirations surround all of us everyday.  Some of us make a list of all of those goals and aspirations and some of us even accomplish something on that list.  Well except me…I don’t have a list of things I want to do, nor do I have any specific benchmarks to reach.  Hell I’ve turned 30, I’ve gotten married, I’ve had kids and not necessarily in that order.  I certainly haven’t reached 40 and I don’t think I’ve died, unless the afterlife is this…could I be already be in hell?

I really should make a list and I should share it with friends and family.  I definitely need the support, especially if I decide to run a marathon or take that trip to vegas.

Without any previous thought here are things I want to do before I die…

• Take the Red Star Ferry to Hong Kong
• Go to London, England
• Own a remote control car
• Learn to play the stand-up bass
• Grow a pompadour
• Start a Rockabilly band named Velvet Snatch with me on upright bass sportin’ a pompadour lookin’ all 1998
• Sleep 10 hours in a row (hell I’ll take 7 hours)
• Get a badass tattoo
• Fight 3 rounds of Mixed Martial Arts with my shirt off
• Look like Tyler Durden with my shirt off
• Go to culinary school to become a chef
• Tell someone at a bowling alley to  “Mark it Zero”
• Open my own restaurant in NYC or Chicago
• Watch the original Star Wars Trilogy without falling asleep during any one of the movies
• Have exact change at Taco Bell for 3 soft tacos and a small drink
• Finish reading the morning newspaper before leaving for work
• Juggle 3 balls in two hands instead of just 2 balls in 1 hand (this has nothing to do with a self exam in the shower, but thats a good one too)
• Find a stranger in the Alps

To Be Continued…

I’m dreaming of a WIC* Christmas

I’m dreaming of a WIC Christmas

Just like the ones the ghetto kids always know

where there’s ample nutrition

but the presents are missin’

a stocking is whats on my toe

I’m dreaming of a WIC Christmas

with every bowl of Kix I eat

eight gallons of milk is my treat

plenty of rice and cheese but no meat

*WIC provides Federal grants to States for supplemental foods, health care referrals, and nutrition education for low-income pregnant, breastfeeding, and non-breastfeeding postpartum women, and to infants and children up to age five who are found to be at nutritional risk.

Random Writings From Yester-Year

This one comes from one of my journals from 1997

 

Once upon a dream

A silent scream

Fills the inner soul

Agony has taken its toll

On what once was a child

Has grown but hasn’t aged

Twenty five-but still thirteen

A crack house is his home

In his face but not in his veins

Cant put up a fight

If everyone says its right

Gang bang and all the blame

Innocent revenge has driven the insane

Murder and steal for a meal that’s square

Cant survive without talking jive

Be slick or be caught

He’ll be dead before he realizes he’s alive

He’ll be six under

Before the age of thirteen he’s over

Penetration through these walls takes education

Christmas Card Trends?

Christmas cards have changed and I didn’t get the memo…I never saw it coming. Maybe I’ve been oblivious, maybe I’ve been deranged, maybe I’ve been ignorant, maybe I’ve been anti…anti-social, maybe I just didn’t get the memo, but when did the shift occur in the tradition of Christmas card giving? What happened to the grab and go selection of the random 30 pack Christmas cards that you signed, sealed, and stamped all in the same day? Spending $3.18 for 30 cards and envelopes just isn’t what the folks are doing these days. I didn’t get the damn memo. I have my $3.18 squirreld away in the “ashtray” of my car (if my car had the “smokers package”). I have received my Christmas card mailing list (send me a card and I will send one right back to ya…wishing you the best) and I am ready to grab and go, but you already know that I didn’t get the memo

Trend 1: The Update Letter

The first two greetings that I received this holiday season included a multi-paragraph letter with a family update. Coincidently, both letters shared updates on vacations, trips, health, happiness, and other details of someone else’s family. The letters did not have any instructions, what do I do next? I think I need to take the letter and send it to 7 friends or family members who do not know the original letter sender or else I will be faced with 7 holiday seasons of bad karma. I certainly do not want 7 seasons of fruit cake, gift cards, and bad sweater choices, so here I am obligated to not break the holiday chain. After I mail the letters I wonder how long it will take before they reach Kevin Bacon…

Trend 2: The Family Picture Card

I should have seen this one coming with the rapid digital camera movement. I should have guessed it long ago. 33% or 1 out of every 3 of my Christmas cards have been photo cards. These photos depict happiness and success framed around holiday bliss. How special it is for me to get a double shot greeting? Not only do I get a Holiday Blessing, but I also get the Kodak moment right there for all to see. How many re-takes did it take for you to get the right smile on the right face at the right time? If I were on this trend, you will hear: “This damn Christmas card better be perfect…wipe that smirk off your face…pretend you like each other. Do this right or Christmas will be canceled. Everyone say Gubment Cheese! Some Jew died for this day of happiness now give me a damn smile”

Trend 3: Non-Christmas Cards

Stop pretending to be Jewish, stop trying to be Kwanzian, stop wishing me Felix Rodriquez, just say “Merry Christmas”. I know there is a reason for the season. I’m never sure though if it is the birth or death, but either way I’m getting chocolate. Don’t send me a card that attempts to acknowledge your diversity just send me a Christmas card with Christmas greetings. I don’t want to light your Menorah, I certainly don’t want to pimp your ride and I really do not want to dwell on the beanfield wars, a simple Merry Christmas greeting will do.

When do I follow the trends? Is it too late? Is there something new on the holiday horizon? Maybe I should just plan on spending $3.18 and just live with the fact that I can’t compete with the chain letter, photo card, Kwanaza greetings that I am so blessed to have setting on my shredder waiting to be turned into packing material for my home based business; rodsandheels.com.

“so this is what blogging is like?”