Bruise Like Tiger (A Maroon 5 “Moves Like Jagger” Parody)
Just bang on my cars
If I ain’t right
Aim for my heart
I can’t get away in my Escalade
I swear, this time I’ll behave
You called State Patrol
Should have waited
I had to go
Now I’m naked
You say I’m a frigg
My scrapes are big
I don’t give a shit
It shouldn’t be like this
Chase me down the road
I can’t escape you
Hit me with a club
And you’ll show me
You gave the bruise like Tiger
I got the bruise like Tiger
I got the bruuuuise like Tiger
I can’t try to escape you
Look into my hand, I owe you
You gave the bruise like Tiger
I got the bruise like Tiger
I got the bruuuuise like Tiger
[Verse 2]
Baby it’s hard
And it feel like you’re broken and scarred
Nothing feels right
But when you’re with me
I make you believe
That I’ve got the key
So get in the car
We can ride it
Wherever you want
Get inside it
And you want to stir
But I’m shifting gears
I’ll take it from here
And it goes like this
[Chorus]
Chase me down the road
I can’t escape you
Hit me with a club
And you’ll show me
You gave the bruise like Tiger
I got the bruise like Tiger
I got the bruuuuise like Tiger
Theater Turned Me On To Sports
A running journey by Steve Freeto
It’s hard to fathom how the arts can turn someone on to sports, but it happened to me. What started as a way to support our local theater has turned into a near obsession. Various fundraising activities for the renovation of our local theater included an event called “Dart for the Arts”. I found out about the event from theater friends who were planning and organizing the 5K road race. Since I wanted to support the cause and because I had friends involved in the event, I decided to sign up to RUN. Little did I know that a 5K was 3.1 miles (math is hard).
I was already physically active (singing and dancing is physical), but I was certainly not a runner. I would jog when needed from my car to the front door of Target when it was raining, but I didn’t run farther than the .1 of the 3.1 miles. Running, either outside or on a treadmill, was just not “my thing”. I would always laugh and joke when I would see someone else running. I would ask myself: “Why are they running? I don’t see anyone chasing them with a knife.” I always thought runners needed to be tall and thin; anyone else must be getting chased by a murderer. As far as I know, I have never been chased by a murderer and I am certainly not tall or thin. The love of theater, prompted me to learn more about running and the running lifestyle and become a “runner” (just for this one event).
Since I had 6 months to get ready for the “Dart for the Arts”, I decided to start slow and “train” my body to run without getting injured. I downloaded the Couch to 5K 2 month long training program. I followed it for the first week before I started my own plan. I couldn’t stand the slow pace of walking 5 mins, jogging 60 seconds, followed by a 90 second walk. It really is a great program to jumpstart your running lifestyle; I just did not have the patience. I was up to a mile within a week’s time of “training” and would use my car to measure my route. Who knew they had equipment and apps for that kind of thing? Now, I run with Endomondo GPS and run tracking.
To make me feel like a real runner, I bought a real pair of running shoes. Metro Walk Run is the place to go for quality product and top notch service. You will spend $100 on shoes and it is worth it. They will watch your form and fit your foot (and body) with a pair of shoes that will not harm you. I never spent that much on a pair of shoes, ever. It was worth every penny.
I would mostly run alone and I just couldn’t get past my 2 mile “hump”. I was bored, even with music and varying routes. I needed someone to push me further. I found a running buddy, kind enough to take me under his “running wing”. We ran a few different routes before we decided to run Oxbow County Park. By this time it was summer and occasionally hot. Our runs were not long, but they were intense.
The training went well throughout the summer. By October, I was ready for my first 5K. Whether I was with a partner or by myself, I knew that I had “trained” well enough to run the 3.1 miles for the theater. I was full of excitement and nervous energy on race morning. It was a little crisp that morning and the sun was shining. It was going to be a great day. I was prepared to finish behind hundreds of experienced, skilled, tall and thin runners. Actually only 119 runners were registered for the race (remember, math is hard). The adrenaline and excitement of my first race propelled me at the sound of the starting gun. My starting pace was way too fast to sustain for the entire race, but I didn’t know any better. I ran as fast as I could for the first 2.5 miles. I was even setting the pace for my running partner. At that 2.5 mile mark, I had to slow down to walk for at least 30 seconds. A couple of runners passed me while I was walking, until I got a resurgence of energy to sprint to the finish line. I pushed and pushed and kept going right through. I finished my first 5K in 24 minutes and 17 seconds. Incredibly, I actually finished 29th overall and 4th in my age bracket. (My training/running partner set a Personal Record (PR) with his time). I actually did it! I raised funds for the theater and I did not get murdered while running 3.1 miles.
This is the part of the story where the word “addiction” could be added. I started thinking about and planning my next race. “Turkey Trots” and other late fall road races are quite prevalent. It was time to do it again. Unfortunately and unrelated to running (and a long story on its own), I suffered a broken bone in my foot. Cold turkey, I was “grounded” for 8 weeks (actually I was up and jogging in 6). During my recovery from the broken foot, I had a craving for running and was convinced to register for the Indy Mini Marathon in May to kick off the month long Indianapolis 500 celebration. This will be the last time that I refer to this half marathon race as a “mini”. There is absolutely nothing “mini” about 13.1 miles.
Call it peer pressure, call it competitive spirit, call it “jonesing”, or call it anything else, I was registered to run through downtown Indianapolis and around the Indy 500 racetrack. I had another 6 months to recover and prepare. I went from not running ever to running a 5k to running a half marathon in one year. Sounds foolish when I reflect on it, I really think this is a common scenario when reaching the age of 35. After the age of 35, the reality begins to set in that 40 is closer than 30. The age bracket of 34-39 is quite competitive and filled with people just like me.
Training for the half marathon officially started with a 2 mile jog after my foot healed. My previous training consisted of many outdoor runs in the sun. The half marathon training consisted of many outdoor runs in snow and near freezing temperatures. Being a novice to the running lifestyle, I really didn’t know how to prepare for winter running. I went to the Nike outlet store and bought what I thought would be “base layer” pants to keep me warm. Unfortunately, I did not realize that some running clothing is designed to take heat from the body and replace it with cool air. Needless to say, that was a miserable experience…only to be repeated once while ice skating (common sense is just like math).
Clearly, I may not have much common sense at times, but I was smart enough to schedule a few more 5k “warm-up” runs prior to the Indy event. The first of which was the Goshen Green Day 5k held on the First Friday of April. This event was rainy and cold, which altered my race plan. Instead of following the pace of the pack, I ran as fast as possible to finish the race. I beat my previous and only other 5k time and went home with some chaffing due to the wet and cold weather. Overall, it was a success with a time of 24 minutes and 12 seconds.
My next “warm-up” was at the end of the month of April. The Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure 5k was an inspiring event. Being able to support those afflicted with breast cancer and to donate to finding a cure made me proud, regardless of my results. This was the largest race that I have ever run. I wanted to be closer to the front to not have to worry about the slower runners and walkers who were there to also support the cause. Foolishly, when the gun sounded I followed the pace of the “front” runners. This pace was difficult for me to sustain, but I certainly gave it my best. Finding the finish line in 22 minutes and 59 seconds was emotional. Being surrounded by so much “pink” for breast cancer support and research inspired me to be strong and fight (just like so many women have to do daily to fight against breast cancer). I sprinted towards the finish line with everything left in my “tank”. I shed tears and felt physically and emotionally drained as I crossed the line. I just sat there watching my fellow runners and so many strong survivors cross the line. This is such a great cause and an amazing event. I will run or walk this event every year.
Road Trip to Indianapolis! Some friends of mine who live in Indianapolis gave me a place to sleep and helped me know what to expect for this 13.1 mile run. I even got a great carb balanced meal (carb loading really isn’t necessary for me). The morning of the race started around 5:30 AM as I wanted to get in a quick mile run to warm up my legs. Once I was dropped off in the crowd of what seemed like hundreds of thousands of people I knew it was “now or never” to be ready. With 35,000 runners in multiple timing corals, it was almost 4 minutes after the start of the race before I actually crossed the start line. This experience was unlike anything I have ever experienced. The start of the race certainly makes up for the middle of the race. Right around mile 5 or 6, the route takes you around the Indy 500 track. I was excited to run around the same track that open wheel race cars go over 200 MPH. The trip around the track was a bit anti-climactic for me. I built it up in my head to such a high expectation; quite frankly I was a bit bored and unimpressed. I guess was not in awe with this part of the route, especially as you leave the track through the industrial area. I didn’t have much motivation. Heading back towards downtown and the finish line was much better for my spirits. Right around the 10 mile mark, I actually got a “runner’s high” and jumped right over any “runner’s wall”. Having 5k left seemed like a much easier challenge than the 13.1 that I started with at the beginning of the race. With 1 mile to go, the rain slowly started to come down. At first I was relieved to be cooled by Mother Nature, but as the rain increased my thoughts turned to the Goshen 5k. I did not want to deal with the chaffing issue again. I started sprinting towards the finish line a bit earlier than I planned and had to push hard to finish. What a great feeling though to cross the line with so many people behind me. I had fears of not only finishing last, but not finishing at all. I may have been “sand-bagging” when I set my goal of 2 hours 15 minutes, but 1 hour 57 minutes and 21 seconds was better than I actually expected. I finished in front 23,879 people and behind 6,769 athletic men and women.
It took me two weeks to recover from the Indy Half Marathon. I just did not want to run, I wanted to eat and eat and eat. After taking a physical and mental break from running, it was time to get back on that “horse”. I registered for another Half Marathon. The Sunburst Half started downtown South Bend and ended in the middle of Notre Dame Stadium. This route was mostly residential and had more curves and hills than I have ever experienced in a race. I was prepared for the heat from my Oxbow park training, but I was not prepared for the hills that seemed to keep going up. I finished with a respectable time of 2 hours 4 minutes and 12 seconds and decided that I would not be taking a 2 week break from running. I did keep up my tradition of eating heartily after a big run. Post-race Thai food is amazing and satisfying. In fact, I am trying to plan all of my post-race meals around Thai food.
A true runner always has a goal and the next race planned. My next race is in support of Oxbow Park as the county attempts to rebuild the sightseeing tower that was destroyed in an arson fire. I love to run for me and it is even better to run for someone else or for a cause.
I certainly hope to keep this running adventure going strong. I hope to be an inspiration or motivation to others who are in my age bracket or going through a similar situation. Mostly though, I want to inspire and motivate myself. Running is not for everyone, but it is for me and I will gladly tell you my story (obviously). I am always looking for my next “score”; maybe I will see you out there on the course or in the park. I will try not to chase you with a knife.
Race Results:
Dart for the Arts 5K Oct 09 2010
29th Overall/119
24:17.7
Goshen Green Day 5K April 1, 2011
52nd Overall/209
24:14.2
Komen Northern Indiana Race for the Cure 5K April 30, 2011
56th Overall/563
22:59
Indy 500 Half Marathon May 7, 2011
6,770 Overall/30,649
1:57:21
Sunburst Half Marathon June 4, 2011
465th Overall/1,467
2:04:12
Upcoming Races:
Oxbow Tower Run 5K June 24, 2011
Elkhart 4H Fair 5K July 24, 20011
Oh by the way, I have no interest in running a full marathon. I ran one, it just took me a month to finish 2 halves.
Naughty Christmas
So here is the “play” that I wrote for the New World Arts 24/7 event. 7 playwrights are locked in a coffee shop over night and are to write a 10 minute play for 7 directors and 14 actors to rehearse and perform the next evening. This year was a christmas theme. I decided to write a small scene instead of a full play. The intention of my scene was to get the audience in a good mood and sing together. The director and the actors did a great job and indeed got the audience all singing together. Great job to them.
We had to use two specific phrases in our play: “well merry christmas to you too”, “ho, ho, ho” and “humbug”.
Naughty Christmas
By
Steve Freeto
(Christmas Eve-Interior-Dining table-A young couple Amber and Curt are drinking coffee and sharing favorite childhood Christmas memories.)
Amber: So what was your favorite Christmas song as a kid?
Curt: (taking a sip of coffee and thinking) It has to be the one with the reindeer.
Amber: Rudolph the red nosed reindeer?
Curt: (leaning back in the chair and recalling the song title) Yeah, that one. I loved that song.
Amber: (lovingly grabbing Curt’s hand) Sing it to me.
Curt: (reluctant to sing) You want me to sing you Rudolph the red nosed reindeer?
Amber: (standing up and with enthusiasm) Yes! Why not? It’s your favorite song.
Curt: (disagreeing with Ambers statement)I didn’t say it was my favorite song.
Amber: (correcting herself and sitting back down) Ok, it’s your favorite Christmas song.
Curt: Right. That song actually gave me motivation and inspiration as a kid.
Amber: (quickly responding with wit) Why did you have a very shiny nose?
Curt: (acknowledging the humor) Maybe I did and maybe all of the other kids used to laugh and call me names.
Amber: (laughing and singing the jokey version of the song) Like Pinochio? (pausing and seductively pleading) Come on sing it to me.
Curt: (embarrassed to sing) I’d rather you sing it to me, since it is my favorite song (with sarcasm).
Amber: I only know the naughty version.
Curt: (confused and doubting) There’s a naughty version?
Amber: Of course there is. It’s full of one liners and innuendo.
Curt: (still doubting) What? No way. You are making this up.
Amber: Well I can’t quite remember the lyrics but if you sing the original version I will remember the naughty one.
Curt: (realizing that Amber is trying to trick him into singing). Yeah, right. I am not going to sing to you. You know I don’t like to sing.
Amber: (irritated at Curt’s reluctance) Well Merry Christmas to you too.
Curt: (irritated at Amber’s persistence) This is ridiculous. There is no such thing as a naughty Rudolph the Red Nose reindeer.
Amber: Just think about it. All of those reindeer names sound like names of exotic dancers; you know Prancer, Vixen, Blitzen, Roxie, Bambi, Destiny.
Curt: Haha Destiny is not a reindeer name.
Amber: Not in your song, but she is in mine. Ho, Ho, Ho!
Curt: (irritated at her attempt at humor) Well you can’t be a humbug and ruin my favorite Christmas song by turning it naughty.
Amber: (Holding Curt’s hand attempting to comfort him)I was merely telling you that there is a naughty version and simply asking you to sing your favorite Christmas song to me.
Curt: (conceding) Well, I will only sing if you join me.
Amber: (laughing at her own response) You want me to join in your reindeer games?
Curt: Well, it is Christmas Eve and it is foggy outside.
Amber: Ok. You start it.
Curt: (begrudgingly singing) You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer…
Amber: (joining) and Vixen and Destiny
Curt: (laughing) I can just imagine those reindeer games.
Amber: See I told you every Christmas song has a naughty version.
Curt: Good luck making a naughty version of “Frosty the Snowman”
Amber: I bet there is one already. (blinking eyes and looking cute) So, are you going to finish singing to me or not?
Curt: You are so persistent and cute.
Amber: (smiling) That’s why you love me.
Curt: (standing and hugging Amber) It is true. I couldn’t imagine spending Christmas with anyone else.
Amber: (fawning) Aww. I love you Curt.
Curt: Merry Christmas, I love you too Amber. Let’s sing.
Amber/Curt: (singing with joy-attempt to get audience participation)
You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen,
Comet and Cupid and Donder and Blitzen.,
But do you recall
The most famous reindeer of all?
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Had a very shiny nose,
And if you ever saw it,
You could even say it glows.
All of the other reindeer
Used to laugh and call him names;
They never let poor Rudolph
Join in any reindeer games.
Then one foggy Christmas Eve,
Santa came to say:
Rudolph with your nose so bright,
Won’t you guide my sleigh tonight?
Then how the reindeer loved him
As they shouted out with glee,
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,
You’ll go down in history.
October recap
Started the month with a First Friday performance of Improv Battle Royale with Cheese. It was one of our best shows. We added a few new games and a great new player. Just one more night of Improv Battle Royale with Cheese, December 10, 2010. Check us out at New World Arts in Goshen. My troupe GoProv will be performing some Brief Questionable Behavior (BQB) in November, somewhere. We also have a few minutes during the New World Arts season launch party. Come see whats so funny.
Did usher/box office/concessions at New World Arts for a performance of Pillowman. Was a really good show. I watched the first act from the booth and found it difficult to laugh out loud at some of the darkly funny parts. Decided to sit in the audience for the second act. Was easier to laugh out loud and I believe I encouraged other audience members to laugh. Its a dark show about child murder and not much to laugh at. Its good to laugh at uncomfortable situations. Overall the show was good. The “retarded” character lacked “retardation” and an accent at times, but luckily it wasn’t too distracting. I really enjoy the work of New World Arts.
Haven’t been to a concert in a while. I typically go to a few shows a year. Have only been to one major show in 2010 and that was in October. Saw OneRepublic and Maroon 5 at the UIC Pavilion in Chicago. I really enjoyed OneRepublic. Yeah I know its pop music, but they put on a good live show. They broke out into the White Stripes and Justin Timberlake in the middle of one of their songs. It was cool, but I am easily amused. I didn’t realize how many of their songs I actually knew (5). This was the second time seeing Maroon 5. The show was good, not as good as the first time I saw them. They didnt play long, but did perform most of their hits. Our seats were great; right in the center slightly elevated above floor level. Adam came out into the audience to do a song and was right in front of us, practically. I love live music.
Ended the month with a Halloween party. Typically don’t dress up too much, but I was invited to two costume parties. Its been a Rocky Horror kind of month for me, so I decided to go with Dr. Frankenfurter. Unfortunately for me and fortunately for others, I couldn’t find a corsett to fit me. I didn’t want to spend $80 online for a costume and express shipping, so I made my own. With some help from a dear friend, I was able throw one together. I decided to go with the costume from the scene in the lab where Dr. Frankenfurter is wearing a lab coat over his stockings. I had the fishnet stockings, the sleeved gloves, the wig, the pearls and the make up. I just couldn’t find the right shoes. I went to all the cheap shoe stores and tried on all the 10′s and 11″s heels that I could find. Nothing fit my wide feet, comfortably anyway. (Maybe womans shoes are not supposed to be comfortable). If I wanted to spend the money, I could have gotten some nice shoes. I went with flats instead of heels. I bet If I would have had the corsett and the heels, I would have won the costume contest. Instead of 1st place, I ended up in 3rd. I’m ok with 3rd place as the prize was a bottle of Butterschnapps and a box of cider. Good times.
Never made it to the second party. At the first party, my foot got stepped on and I rolled my foot causing a fracture. Didn’t realize the fracture until the next day when my foot was swollen and bruised. Too much fun or too much booze caused me to stay on my feet on the dance floor longer than I should have. I haven’t been to the emergency room in many years. It wasn’t that bad of a trip. I enjoyed being a voyeur listening to everyone around me. I have to admit that I am not as messed up as some people in the world. I know better than to go to the hospital for cracked skin. Some folks will do anything for attention or medication.
Finishing the month of October as I do every year, with Halloween. I love snack size candy, especially coconut.
Time to heal my foot. I need to run again to loose the snack size weight gain. Hoping to run on Thanksgiving morning. Lets see how that goes.
November plans coming soon.
Halloween Costume
I cant decide between 2 costumes for Halloween this year. Help me decide.
Should I go as Snooki from Jersey Shore? I am from Jersey, so I know I can convince yous.
or Should I go as a flashback from the 80′s?
Rocky Dennis from the movie Mask. I love Cher and would love to pay tribute to this great piece of work.
Upon further review, I can’t tell the difference. Rocky does sound like a character from the Jersey Shore.
DID I GET THE PICTURES MIXED UP? THEY LOOK ALIKE.
5 Minute Love Song
So today I heard a song today that had some quirky “love lyrics”. I thought, “I bet they wrote those lyrics in 5 minutes”. The name of the song and the name of the band is irrellavant. Frankly, I forget the name of both. The lyrics had something to do with leaving a voicemail.
Maybe the writer spent more time than what I gave them credit for, but I decided to challenge myself to a 5 minute love song. Starting at 10:00 PM EST, I begin the challenge.
Times are not like they were
when we were all alone
in each others arms
times are not like they were
when we would talk on the phone
till early early dawn
we were meant to be
more than just you and me
we were meant to be
the trunk our a family tree
we were meant to be
we were meant to be
more than you and me
where would we be
if you and me were us
why did i lose your trust
more than you and me
why did you leave
so eagerly
more than you and me
10:05 Time. Worst and worst song lyrics ever.
Lost a step but found a rhythm
My knees got weak and my pains came back. Choreographed dancing was tough this time around. I like dancing to the rhythm of the beat; bring the noise and bring the funk. Those 8 counts kept me working. I have to say even with the pains in my knee, I enjoyed dancing in Oklahoma. The best part was being with a great cast; many of which I want to get to know more. Good times for sure. More to come…
Working Overtime Like its No Ones Business
You may have gathered that I am a home baser, meaning I like to do certain “business” at home and not in public places. For whatever reason, my “business” got off schedule and forced me to work some overtime at an unscheduled time. I was taking care of “business” in a public place that offered a can of air freshener right there in my temporary cubicle. It must be the polite response to taking care of “business” while using a public work space, so I did.
Scent and smell memories are fascinating to me. I am not sure why or how certain smells or scents are stuck in your memory related to a certain time. For example the smell of fried chicken always reminds me of a White Snake song from the late 80′s “Here I go again on my own” or whatever its called. Whenever I smell certain fried chicken, i think of that song and the back seat of a car. That’scertainly a story for another time.
This public air freshener was a “Lemon Ice” scent. I love the lemon ice, Italian ice or frozen lemonade you get at carnivals or fairs. Once sprayed, this lemon ice scent jogged my scent memory of the county fair. Unfortunately for me, the thought of the county fair reminds me of the smell of horse manure. The smell of horse manure reminds me of public restrooms, which instantly brought me back full circle to the “business” at hand.
I wanted to get away from the smell of doing “business”, but quickly the cover up smell brought me back to the smell of “business”.
Knows no pain in the nose
For whatever reason, I have not felt much pain recently. I used to be able to tear up just by plucking nose hairs. If there is any benefit to being hairy, having long nose hairs is just one. I am quite certain that in my older years I will regret the belief that long nose hairs is a benefit to being hairy. Hopefully I wont get to the point where I don’t care about my nose hairs. Regardless of current and future beliefs, I have had the ability to pluck a nose hair and be able to cause some moisture on the eyeball. Maybe this isn’t a trait or a habit that should be shared, but it is reality.
I must have become immune to this tear worthy pain because it no longer works. No pain at all. Its become a challenge for me to extract as many nose hairs as possible to elicit a response from my sinuses and nasal duct work. Of course I do not do this in public, just in my car while driving. I know this is technically “public”, but I do not consider it to be a public nuisance. It’s just nose hairs.
Enough about the nose hairs. Again, being hairy I have excess hair on my legs that I like to yank. Big yank and no pain. I tend to be a bit sadistic and probably need some help. No pain from this either. I’ve come to realize that I have a high tolerance for pain. Certainly pulling out body hairs can be painful to some, but it just isn’t that bad to me.
I have found evidence in an increased tolerance of pain in other areas. Just recently I had a contact lense that got out of position and was “suctioned” on my eye in the wrong location. I grabbed a hold of the lense and yanked on it. It was when I saw the blood vessels surface that I realized that I was not grabbing the contact lense, but I was tugging on my eyeball . I didn’t feel it. I just kept pulling until I saw blood.
Am I just stupid, sadistic or immune to pain?
Why can’t I feel pain?
I know there are many freaks in the world that like pain. Have I become one? Don’t answer.
I am so lame
I blame my lack of posting to the Freeto Weblog on my blackberry. I spend most of my time on my blackberry these days and hardly ever spend discretionary computer time writing at the computer. Sure, I write one liners and quips for Twitter and I post off the wall status updates on Facebook, but I just do not sit down with the computer to write a post for the blog. I write jokes and plan the comedy night, but thats only once a month.
I have everything I need for a distraction right in my front pocket. My blackberry provides me all of my emails, access to my social network accounts, the internet, and even telephone numbers just in case I want to call someone.
The blackberry made me NOT do it. Oh, I want to sit down at the computer and get things done. I just can’t seem to make the time. The time is there its just been overshadowed by those 7 amoeba shaped dots.
Blackberry singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see all your life
Your were only waiting for this moment to be free
Blackberry fly, blackberry fly
Into the light of the dark black night
